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How Do Children See Divorce and the Pain Behind It?

No child should see their parents divorce and live with the consequences. That is why many of the problems that lead to it are hidden from them. They may not know how the violence started, or why the arguments are so persistent. Similarly, they can never take back the pain that one or both parents go through. Only when it happens in front of them do they know about the physical and verbal abuse that occurs.

Is it wrong, then, to protect children from these things? Wouldn’t it be better to be aware of them in order to make a judgment for them? On the other hand, do parents keep these things to themselves for fear of a child talking about them to others?

Even this does not seem like a logical explanation. Of course, a child has the right to know what caused the breakdown of his home. Isn’t it in their interest to be able to decide who is right or wrong?

After going through a divorce and working overtime to look after the reasons for myself, I deprived my children of their right to know. Things turn up in their later years, however, and it will be the mother who gets the blame for the bad things that happened in the past. It is also likely that the father will belittle the mother and cause a rift between her and the children to get back at her for leaving him.

In Australia in recent years we have seen fathers do some scandalous acts in revenge of this nature. A man threw his five-year-old daughter off a bridge in Melbourne as he returned the children to their mother after a weekend visit. It was supposed to be the girl’s first day of school.

Another father drove a car with his three children into a lake and killed them while taking them to their mother. Then he phoned them and told them the children were dead.

Again and again the horrors of divorce and revenge are played out. A loving parent always stands by their children and protects them. But there are many things that do not need protection. It is my opinion that the reasons for divorce and broken home is one of them.

Maybe if I had never experienced this and I didn’t have a grown son who accused me of not loving him enough because he had a bad haircut in a school picture, this wouldn’t matter to me . But he does because there is no way now that he can see my point of view or know the immense burden placed on me at that time. Maybe one day he will understand.

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