How Many Words Should A 3-5 Year Old Know Book Review: Major Moves

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Book Review: Major Moves

Genre: Contemporary

Word count: 6,660

Average Goodreads rating: 3/5 stars

My rating: 1/5 stars

Jolene Franks and Sam Caldwell have been ready to tie the knot for a year. But thanks to them both being deployed, the wedding was postponed. Until now. Finally they may take a break from the military long enough for a honeymoon, but they will never rest from being patriots serving their country.

This book could be so good. There’s a kick-ass warrior heroine, a long-awaited reunion and even some (almost) steamy sex scenes as well as a honeymoon in Hawaii. Oh yeah, this book had potential, and that’s probably why I’m so mad about it right now.

I don’t even know where to start with this crazy storm of awfulness. There’s the quick love story, the barrage of characters at the end (since this is just an introductory novel for the “real” books in the series, featuring the other characters) and the patriotic moral shoved down my throat.

There is no reason for this story to be less than 15,000 words. The whole thing was so rushed that I couldn’t even care about Jolene and Sam when they got married. Then the honeymoon in Hawaii was glossed over. And believe me, you don’t miss a honeymoon in Hawaii. Once upon a time I don’t care how uneventful it is, you don’t go from one flight to the next without at least mentioning a break in the sheets, or a luau, or something in between.

The sex scenes in this story could have been good, but for some reason they just weren’t, not even when the two of them joined the mile high club. Maybe because the writing style wasn’t my favorite, or I just wasn’t that attached to the characters, but they just weren’t. I didn’t get an ounce of pleasure from these scenes and they took up about half the story.

The other half appeared to be patriotic propaganda. There was so much of it. At least four patriotic songs were played and everywhere I look there is some mention of how nothing is as patriotic as serving your country, and how they are so proud to be patriotic, and it’s sexy when you jump down someone’s throat who says America is not perfect. It’s as if the author used a military recruitment poster as a writing prompt and published it as such.

Don’t get me wrong. I have full respect for the troops. And the US is not even close to being the worst country in the world to live in. But it’s not Narnia either. There is a lot wrong with America, including the high number of homeless vets. So having all these “patriotic” characters pisses me off.

I understand that this is going to be a series about a family that loves the military, but that doesn’t mean the story has to be preachy. There could be a lot more character development to balance out the patriotism and then it wouldn’t be a problem for me. But as it is now, the main characters have about as much depth as an Uncle Sam poster and I can feel the moral of the story pounded over my head with about as much force as a two-by-four and it’s not a good feeling.

Morals are perfectly fine in stories. In small doses. If it’s pretty obvious that it’s affecting the story, then there’s a problem. The patriotic moral here is more obvious than the moral in the beginning chapter books I used to read as a child. The moral should be much more subtle for an audience old enough to know what a stroke is.

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