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Disciplining Children: 3 Tips for Raising Thick Skinned Kids

Putdowns, failure; is every day from birth to death. Alan shed about a thousand freckles. Baby cries and doesn’t get milk right away, failure. Eighty-year-old Elizabeth loses all her savings in a stock market crash, a failure. Think that skin is required from early on to protect children from the hard knocks of life.

Let’s make sure we know how to make the best thick skin for your child before we get to the tips.

All parents know that children are very sensitive about having their feelings hurt. This inner part is where parents must begin to develop a child’s thick skin, making the child feel strong about himself inside. But don’t let him think he’s better than everyone else; this requires teaching humility.

Then there is the outer part, the part that gives the best answers to people when things go wrong. The answers should be strong but not painful. This can be difficult, but it is doable.

Now for the proven three tips.

1. Teach inner self-worth. Focus on strengths, especially when disciplining. When your child is two years old, write down all of your child’s strengths and find ways to notice them every day. When your significant other yells at you for texting time limits, say, “It’s so awesome that you have so many friends, but we need to set text limits.” Inner strength is the foundation for the right thick skin.

2. Teach outside thick-skinned responses. Provide your child with tools to cope and practice daily. Make sure your child can tell you anything from the start. Liz cries at dinner about her first day of high school; two kids said her dress looked dumb. Follow these two steps: (1) listen to and validate her inner feelings (reinforces inner value) and (2) role play outer responses. Teach her to say, “I really like my dress” as she confidently turns away. Thick skin comes with practice.

3. Teach compassion and humility –the lifeblood of true happiness. Caring for others mixed with “you’re as important as me” is a recipe for an abundant life. Show and tell will activate your child’s inner compassion cable. Examples: Plan a monthly afternoon to help an elderly person. Or, when your teen is upset about how bad the teacher is, point out how the teacher lost his father in a car accident and how that can cause anxiety.

Your child needs a thick skin to live abundantly. Make sure its core ingredient is compassion.

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