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Street Fighting Moves – The 3 Most Useless Kung Fu Weapons Vs Common Objects That Can Replace Them
Your sifu just taught you secret techniques on how to use nunchakus just like Bruce Lee in “Enter The Dragon”. You still haven’t figured it out because every time you quickly flip the nunchaku from one armpit to the other in a quick cool crossover motion, you somehow always end up hitting yourself in the “ding-a-ling”. “Yes!”
That’s okay because next month you will learn how to use the Hanwei Dao sword. Stop it! Just stop! I can’t take it anymore!! Did you ever think that you would NEVER use these weapons in real modern day society? One, they are illegal. Two, they are extremely difficult to master. Three, you won’t wear them without looking like a paranoid weirdo.
Here are the 3 most popular and completely useless ancient kung fu weapons:
Useless Ancient Weapon #1 – Nunchakus – Nunchakus are so hard to master that it would take hours a day to deal with them in a way that you wouldn’t end up in the head. On the street, your opponent wouldn’t have to do very much, he could just stand there and watch you hit you repeatedly in the head and groin until you get tired.
Solution: Modern Weapon Replacement #1 – Sticks And Stones. You are looking for everyday objects that you can use to hit. Rocks. Bricks And sticks. In fact, any an item you can pick up can become a weapon.
Useless Ancient Weapon #2 – Oriental Swords – I feel stupid even having to explain this one to you. Anyway, imagine the noise your sword would make as it scraped against the hardwood floor of the post office as you lined up to buy a stamp.
Solution: Modern Weapon Replacement #2 – Metal ballpoint pen or car keys – A nice gold Cruco pen (about $30), which is one of the sturdiest metal pens made, can easily serve the same purpose without getting you arrested for carrying a concealed weapon. Car keys could serve the same purpose. The trick lies in how you hold these objects and how you would strike with them if your life was in danger. If your life or safety is threatened as in the case of a would-be rapist who is trying to catch you, assuming you are a woman, you could hold either the Cross pen or a long car key between your index finger and your thumb, just as you would hold a key to open door, and would make a quick and unexpected stabbing motion to the attacker’s eyes or throat. (Keep in mind that this type of self-defense maneuver should only be reserved for a clear life-or-death situation.) You don’t want to go around stabbing the old lady in the throat at your local supermarket who cuts in. ahead of you in line who brings 20 items to their shopping cart when the express lane clearly says “7 Items or Less”.When you say weapon, by the very nature of the word we are talking about very serious business. Using a weapon is not taken lightly.
Useless Ancient Weapon #3 – Bo Staff – The most popular type of bo staff is called the rokushaku, which is a long wooden stick that measures six feet in length. Six feet long! How are you going to get that thing into a taxi?
Solution – Modern Weapon Substitute #3 – Reduce the length to about 12 inches. A most powerful weapon, when used correctly, is a tightly wound magazine. The impact points are at both ends of the rolled up periodical. If you strike with a brisk upward motion under the attacker’s chin, snapping the head back, in 99 cases out of 100, this will be a blow.
While everyday common objects are not as romantic as, say a sword, well you just look for your sword, and I’ll take my rock.
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