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Your Defiant Child: Review

I studied this book as my primary source in preparing and writing my second crime/mystery book. That’s one reason why I mostly replaced the word “son” with “defiant”. The other reason is that I tried to apply the context of the book to retarded adults rather than challenging children. Retarded adults are kids anyway, right?

In addition to so many children around me showing signs of becoming sociopaths, there are more adults who behave like children. Many defiant children become adult psychos or sociopaths, then some become serial killers. I will use the book review to explain why and how the criminal became a sociopath in my book.

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The whole family can lose their affection for each other. Parents blame others for the child’s destructive behavior. Siblings can be hostile towards parents and defiant siblings. This is how a challenger can bring down the whole family.

Important facts to remember

The behavior of the challenger is all up to you. For what? Because the greatest potential for controlling the behavior of the challenger is in the environment and the huge part of the environment is YOU.

The challenger acts the way he does because he can’t see things like you, that is, the difference in perspective.

The fastest way to determine why the challenger acts the way they do is to look at yourself. Can you see the defiant attitude in yourself? If so, you are the problem or the root of it.

Encourage bad behavior to get worse when you show yourself that you have a breaking point and use cumulative punishment. Finally he loses patience and decides to punish or give up and temporarily reward defiant behavior, thus creating a time bomb – the inevitable physical violence.

Overreacting suddenly to a certain challenging behavior prevents the challenger from learning specific consequences for specific types of misbehavior. The challenger cannot construct a predictable framework of action and reaction without that learning. Offer incentives such as “reward points” instead of using punishment.

What I think the book missed is to stress the fact that failure is not bad. In fact, failure is actually good because we can’t learn until we fail. I didn’t just miss my childhood. It was also a mess because my father was a perfectionist. Guess how it affected me. Yes. He never taught me that failure is good, but instead forced me to be “perfect”.

Remember, this is only a fraction of what I learned from the book.

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