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Home Matters – Changing What’s Wrong

Are things not going as well as you would like in your life or at home? It is a common problem, but where is the answer for how to solve what is wrong? Almost all of our problems start right in our heads. Over the years I have found a way to get to the heart of our problems and see ways to work. It all starts with you and your thinking. Follow the 6 steps discussed here and start making important changes in your life and family.

1. This is the hardest. Don’t believe everything you think now, because you can change what you think. This is really what separates us from the animals – the ability to think what we think.

Just because you think something is so, doesn’t make it true. If you think the world is flat, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s actually round. If I think someone is mad at me, that’s just a reflection of what I think and really has no bearing at all on what the other person really thinks. This brings to mind a lot of teenagers who are related to who thinks what and who said what to whom. “Sally thinks Jake told Ben he likes you.” All of this speculation does not reflect Jake’s thoughts (or Sally’s or Ben’s for that matter), but only the thoughts of the person speaking. So, when you talk to yourself, be careful to believe everything you think!

2. Ask yourself this question: “What is my struggle?” Try to put on paper exactly what is bothering you. Write in objective and specific terms. “Something isn’t right at home” may be a gut feeling, but it doesn’t really define anything and will leave you puzzled. Make it specific for you – “I’m bored.” “I don’t have any money.” “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

3. Now, ask yourself, “What brought me here?” Write down everything you can think of that has brought you to this point in your life. This is not a blame session, it is an open and honest look at your life, your reactions, your assumptions. Other questions to ask yourself to help you in this part of the process are – “What do I feel?” “What do I see?” and most importantly, “What do I tell myself?’

Pay particular attention to the last question and take the time you need to honestly and objectively complete this step.

4. The next part makes you look for evidence, or fruits, of your thoughts. Here is the question – “What are the physical, or tangible results or evidence of my thinking?” How have you seen your way of thinking manifest in the real world. Be specific.

5. Now is the time to start looking for what you want to see happen in your world. Be sure to write the answer to this question as well. “How do I want to be?” Or “What do I want that’s different?” In this step describe what you want in the most vivid details. Use all your senses to describe your desire. It is very important that you see this clearly.

If you go on this step and something in your head says things like “This will never happen”. “Don’t be a dreamer.” “This is pointless.” Refer back to step number one. Your life can change absolutely, and it starts in your thoughts. Countless people have proven that over thousands of years, and just because you think it’s stupid doesn’t make it so! Keep going ! Fight the thought and start changing everything!

6. After all the work you have done in steps 1-5 now is the time to look for change. Here is the next vital question you must ask yourself and write down the answers – “What thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision?” What are you willing to do to make a change for yourself? These answers may take time and soul searching, but they are worth it.

Decide on 3 to 5 things you have written down that you can start working on immediately. Write them down and get started! You won’t be perfect at the beginning, that’s okay, it may take long months for the real change to bear fruit, but the change will come if you persist.

I want to talk about my own experience with these steps and a few life changes that came about because I did what I tell you to do.

Three and a half years ago, I was flat on my back with a back injury that came about because I was overweight, overworked and stressed. My husband and three children set up a bed in the living room for me so I could be in the middle of things (and because I couldn’t climb the stairs because my back was so bad). I couldn’t even walk. I had neglected my health to the point that I was a weak 5’3″ 178 pound. I was not used to sitting and the fact that I had to stay in bed almost drove me crazy. My dearest daughter of four years. I had to go to a friend for day care for a week because I could not take care of her. After four days of this misery, lying there, in pain, lonely for my children, frustrated for everything it was not done, I started. to look at myself. I had not defined all these steps yet, but when I look back I see that I did exactly as I tell you to do.

1. Don’t believe everything you think – I have to take care of everyone and I don’t have time to take care of myself. Others deserve care, not me. I don’t need help.

2. What is my struggle? I’m sick, I’m fat, I’m not healthy, I can’t take care of my family.

3. How did I get here? I always take time to care for everyone else, but never for myself. I think that I don’t have time to take care of myself, and that I can continue like this. I eat junk. I don’t exercise. I go to bed late and then I don’t sleep well.

4. What are the physical/tangible results? I am here, unable to do anything. I can’t take care of myself, let alone tell someone else.

I feel sick inside to see myself in this situation. Something happened inside me and I said out loud, “I’M NOT GOING TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!” I think I was a little shocked when I heard it out loud. And I said it again, louder.

5. How do I want to be? I closed my eyes and began to imagine running in the yard, playing with my children, without pain. I pictured myself, thin, fit, running. I saw walking, swimming – active. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I started to feel hope again. I became absorbed in the vision of what I wanted – the smell of the open air, the warmth of the sun, the fresh air.

6. What thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision? I would need physical therapy again. I had to eat healthy foods and smaller portions. Once I was able, I had to exercise. I had to develop ways to gain willpower. I needed more rest. I needed to ask for help more often. I had to set a specific time for myself to take care of myself.

I wrote everything down. I couldn’t really get out of bed, but I started telling myself, “I’m thin, healthy, and beautiful. I take care of myself, and it’s worth it.” (I still tell myself this 3 and a half years later.)

The next week, I was able to start physical therapy. It was a long process, but in a few months I could go to the pool. I became more active. I started tracking everything I ate and developed my own system to count my food. I tried new foods. My whole family was willing to help. They helped me to have time to exercise every day. I lost 25 pounds and feel better than I have in years.

After a year and a half in my efforts I made a breakthrough. I was tired of eating well. I was tired of my number of food. I lost the motivation to keep up. I gained 15 pounds back and could see that the scale was headed right back to where it had been. I was in the dumps and thought, “What’s the point?” Guess what I did? Same thing – I defined the problem, looked at how I got to this place, looked at the results, renewed my vision and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started a step aerobics class. I started running a little bit. I bought a step counter (my secret weapon). I started using another food counting system to give myself a break from my old self. Basically, I did everything I had done before, but rewatched it based on my new circumstances. I lost the 15 lbs. I gained back, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (with the previous loss). I have 16 pounds to go to get to where I want to be. My back doesn’t hurt anymore and last Saturday I spent the day scuba diving with my daughter – something I would never have been able to do 3 years ago.

The steps work! Change your thinking and your vision and change your life!

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