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My Spouse Always Uses My Affair To Punish Me – He Will Never Let Me Forget My Mistake
Sometimes I hear from couples who have a very difficult time putting affairs behind them for good. Often, the cheating spouse is more than happy to move on, while the faithful spouse can’t seem to leave the past where it belongs. I heard from a wife who said: “A couple of years ago, I made the biggest mistake imaginable. I cheated on my husband with my boss. I took responsibility and fully admit that the fault is completely with me . We went. through a lot of counseling and we managed to save our marriage, although the marriage itself is far from perfect. I love my husband. I want our marriage to work. I can also accept a little anger and resentment from him because to be honest I absolutely deserve it. But him always throwing the deal in my face has become very old. He takes all the details he knows I’m not proud of and brings them every time he gets mad at me. . For example, if there is some tension between us and I try to show my husband affection to make things better, he will scold me and raise the issue. I can make a comment like “there is no no reason to argue. I love you and I’m on your side. He’ll respond with something like “well, you weren’t on my side when you were sleeping with your boss in the penthouse of the local hotel.” There is nothing I can say to answer this. I will never stop being by his side but he will never believe. But he will never miss an opportunity to remind me that I always tried to do it for him but no I am incapable. to. I love my husband and I want to stay married to him. But I’m not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life constantly reminded of my shortcomings. What can I do?”
Believe it or not, I could identify with this wife. Although I was the faithful husband, I remember the beaten look on my husband’s face when I used to throw business in his face after the event was long. And, most of the time, the cheating spouse can understand why this happens. After all, infidelity is probably the worst betrayal that many of us can imagine. In a perfect world, we imagine that our spouse has only desire and affection for us. And when we have to face that what we are told is not the truth, well that is just a very hard reality. And even after trying to move on, sometimes the anger is still there, because the pain is still there. So sometimes, those little hurtful comments are not intentional. They just pop out of our mouths before we can censor them. Of course, this is not right. And neither of you should have to keep reliving the affair for years after it’s over. So now, I will give you some tips to deal with this.
Bring the Comments to Your Spouse’s Attention: Often, the cheating spouse gets into the habit of staying silent because they know they deserve some of the comments. So, even if what her husband said hurts her very deeply, she just kind of sighs and takes it. The thing is that your husband may not be aware of how this happened. That is why you should bring this to their attention in the gentlest way possible. You don’t want to sound defensive. You don’t want to make them believe that you feel justified in your cheating. You just want them to be aware that they keep throwing. And, if you handle this correctly, you may actually be able to improve your situation.
A suggested script could be something like: “Man, that really hurts me. I know that in the past, I deserved that comment. But, for the last two years, I have done everything in my power to this right. Our marriage cannot heal for good if we continue to hurt each other for something that is long in the past. Is there something you are still angry about that I can help you with? happens quite a bit. Can you share with me if there is a problem that I have not yet addressed? I will be happy to offer any reassurance you may need, but we cannot continue like this. I take full responsibility for my actions, but it hurts us and our marriage when the anger keeps coming. What can we do to get past this because it’s very discouraging for me that I have to relive something that I really have. do you want to leave it behind?”
You saw how you tried to approach this with a spirit of cooperation and understanding. The last thing you want to do is become angry or suggest that you will not tolerate this. Because, frankly, your husband is reacting out of insecurity. If your words make them more insecure, then the problem will get worse instead of better.
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