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How to Convince Your Parents of Your Intercaste Love
This is a problem that is probably as old as time. Adult children do not always choose their parents for their partner. Shakespeare made him immortal in Romeo and Juliet. A central theme in the Broadway musical, Fiddler on the roof, and the current TV drama, Downton AB, is the struggle of the original generation to accept the choices of their adult children. We know that, a Nyandrathal woman had a fight for her choice of the Crowmon child with her father. (“Dad: he’s really smart and he’s so tall!”) But while this may be a timeless and universal subject when it comes home, it’s painful. Here are a few examples from our “Questions to the Doctor” service:
In Boston, a 25-year-old man says, “I was caught between my mother and my wife.” – “My Chinese mother expects my wife to obey her and when she does her mother, then wait for her. My wife works all day and does not see why my mother can not start dinner Or when ‘he goes, because he can. help him, my mother is constantly complaining, my wife is crying, what should I do?
A young man in Florida he writes: “My wife is Latina and I’m white. Every time we go, my dad goes further about illegal immigration. My mom can’t stop. When we go home, we fight because she says l “I have to stop, but I don’t know anything. What can I say that she will change. Help!”
“My lover and I want to get married, but we are from different ethnic groups and we know that our parents never agreed. We have been seeing each other secretly for 4 years.” – A young man in Serbia From the woman
Like the authors of these letters, you are in love, you are in love. Like them, you want your parents to love and admire the person you choose. Instead, they cannot see behind their traditions, values âï¿½ï¿½âï¿½ï¿½ or prejudices. They don’t see your boyfriend or husband for the wonderful person he is. They’re all wrong – with a capital W. Feel caught between them. Love and, yes, respect your parents, but also love and appreciate your partner.
It is important to bridge the divide. If you and the person you prefer, it is not clear about your commitment and the agreement, that you are willing to be together, the continuous rejection, whether or not the surface or seat under the surface can weaken your relationship. that is. The child of rejecting parents is caught in a terrible grip. He listens and responds to each side, leaving the other feeling ignored or humiliated. The person who is the center of the dislikes may feel incessant or under pressure to prove themselves worthy. If it is not wanted, the efforts will soon be annoying and the anger that spreads in relationships.
Fortunately, there is a less rigorous solution than the romantic death scene in Romeo and Juliet. Like Robert in Fidler, Tevye or Downton Abbey, there are parents who eventually accept the choices of their adult children and even bless them. But it takes work and desire. It doesn’t happen with magic or logic.
Dos and Don’ts to close the gap:
Don’t meet criticism with criticism. The values, traditions and feelings of your parents helped create who you are. They are likely to guide light for generations and are the center for your family’s identity. Keeping your family history is not honest or helpful. be so kind The older generation sticks to their views and ideas because it helps them feel secure in the changing world. His intentions are probably good. Find ways to ensure your family of origin appreciates and respects your past while also becoming part of the global community in which people from other areas of life are involved.
Do not fill the rejection of the parents with defense and logic. Protection implies that there is something to save. To argue means to argue with you. Respond to their concerns with respect and clarity. Accept that an intercultural marriage has become difficult. Express your sadness that they feel the way they feel. Confirm your love for them and your general respect for their thoughts, but be clear that you have made your decision. Peace is definitely more effective than angry words.
Don’t make your relationship a secret. Keeping it a secret reveals that you are embarrassed with your choice. Someone will inevitably find out, so that everyone in the family will be sorry and will be unhappy with both of you. Make sure you both agree on the deal to stay together. Make sure you are safe. There is nothing wrong with dealing with your parents with what is not the last.
Do not use your partner to educate your partner, educate your parents, or make a partner. It is not appropriate for a person who wants to use you as a wing in your continuous fight for things like religion, caste or situation with your parents.
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