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How To Benefit From The Negative Feelings of Divorce
Negative emotions can take their toll, especially in the realm of divorce, they can lead to a complete emotional and energetic drain.
The main exception is anger, which immediately gets your adrenaline going, often leading to reacting in ways that you may later regret.
Negative, or “dark” emotions are normal. It is what you do with the sense of consumption that makes a negative or positive difference. Most people typically react to their emotions based on their subconscious fear. When you learn to be more aware, you can make a different and more positive choice.
When my son was about three years old, I vividly remember his mother out of the blue refusing to talk about the custody file. Then he ordered in a completely controlling way that we went from the custody schedule to the divorce decree. He had not asked my opinion like the other parent. It was not brought up for discussion. He did not share his opinion.
She was sent in a threatening manner.
The divorce decree said the custody schedule for our three-year-old would be any day. Yes, every new day I went to the other parents’ house.
The tragic irony is that this provided zero stability, zero consistency and was horrible for a three-year-old.
I feel betrayed, shocked, more than frustrated. I immediately felt anger rising to the surface. I could not believe that my girl’s mother could be so completely self-serving and not understand how bad this would be for our child.
After reacting with extreme anger several times, I suddenly realized that my anger was only making the situation worse.
I finally realized that the moment I reacted with anger, I had lost control of myself, of the interaction with the ex, and that she would never do what I wanted.
I worked to figure out what I really wanted to create for my three-year-old and realized that I wanted to create a divorce environment where she would thrive. So I knew this was going to be the most intentional, the best parent I could be.
And, no matter the circumstances with the ex, because I never want to be anything other than the best parent I could be!
This is when the dynamic between us started to change for the better.
Why and how? Because the ex was no longer receiving the reactions she had come to expect from me. I broke the vicious cycle and started to stay calm, even rational!
Over time, the ex began to change as well. I believe the positive impact on our daughter has been life-changing for her, but also for her mother and me.
The biggest lesson for me was realizing that anger, one of the most extreme “dark emotions”, as I call them now, is normal, but when we allow our fear to lead us to react in extreme ways, it is rare that something positive will happen. result. The negative impact affects you, your children, the ex, and beyond.
Whenever I feel the emotional and energetic drain of worry, stress, anxiety, sadness, feeling miserable, and more, or feel the adrenaline rush from anger, I become more and more aware that I didn’t want to hear that.
I would immediately shift to focus on how I wanted to feel and use Gratitude to transform into the positive feeling or state.
Gratitude and fear cannot coexist simultaneously.
Not only did I focus on the positive and wonderful things in my life for which I could be grateful, but I also changed my perspective on the challenge or difficulty with the ex and looked for ways to learn and grow.
I am always grateful to find ways to learn and grow, because these lessons and the growth that occurs are life-changing for me and for the people I love. The ripple effect can also continue outward, having a positive effect on my business and beyond!
Whether you are going through or already divorced, negative emotions are normal. However, when they get out of control, they can become all consuming.
How we feel leads to what we say and do.
When reacting to a negative emotion that we feel at the moment also fuels the fire to make things worse, it must serve as a wake-up call.
How we feel is ultimately a choice. Yes, even when the ex said or did something to hurt you on purpose.
There is a seemingly endless list of negative emotions, especially in the realm of divorce and parenting:
• Fear, frustration, anger
• Worry, stress, anxiety
• Sadness, pain, remorse, guilt
• Regret and resentment
• A sense of loss (trust, security, stability, self-esteem, sense of family, self-confidence)
• Depression, confusion, rejection
• Disrespect, bitterness, contempt, disgust
• Jealousy, self-pity
• Negative anticipation and expectation
• Suffering, despair, contempt, feeling of helplessness
• Grief, grief, self-doubt, nervousness, feeling hopeless
• Vengeful, betrayed, miserable, devastated
• Heartbroken, unhappy, unfulfilled
• Feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells
As you can see from the list above, there is a seemingly endless variety of “dark emotions” that can sap all your energy, steal your joy and happiness, lead you to the depths of hell, and have an emotional and negative psychological. upon you, and the worst of all your children.
What you say and do is always a choice. Awareness of your negative emotions is so important.
What you consciously choose to do with those emotions is far more important.
Several points are essential here…
1. What you do on, create more of (ah, the Law of Attraction).
2. When you have Clarity for what you want for your children, this will do as much as anything to help guide them to maintain self-control and to determine what to say or do next to help create more of what you want. what you don’t want.
• When you understand that everything you say and do as a parent teaches and impacts your children, you can begin to refine what it takes to create an environment where your children are prosperous.
3. Having Gratitude for the challenges you are going through (yes, in your divorce situation) will allow you to find the opportunity to learn and grow through the insights and lessons of life’s difficulties, the most impactful way to learn and grow.
Be clear about what you want to create for your children and about what you want to teach with your example.
To help you gain Clarity, now go through the free EX-Factor Clarity Exercise.
Go to: http://www.theex-factor.com/clarityexercise
Password to login is “clarity1”
Start by asking yourself, “What do I really want to create for my children?”
From this point, when you feel the emotional drain from a negative feeling, or sudden spike of adrenaline when you are about to explode with anger, ask yourself: “Is what I have to say or do, create more of what I really want for the my children, or worse?”
Use every interaction as an opportunity to take the “dark emotions” to find the light at the end of the tunnel that will help you learn and grow, for your children, and for you too.
After all, don’t your children deserve and need you to be the best parent you can be?
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