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The Ethics of Birthday Party Invitations

One might think that there is nothing more innocent and free-spirited than the act of extending birthday party invitations. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Because planning children’s birthday parties and offering invitations is a minefield full of ethical obstacles and pitfalls. Here are three tips to help you navigate the maze.

Pointer #1: An Invitation Sticks

How tempting it is for a child to slip an invitation to the birthday party after the friction enters into a friendship. “You’re not invited to my birthday party anymore!” is a common school return. However, it is important for your child to know that an invitation, like a gift, cannot be recovered. It is better to wait until four weeks before the date of the party before issuing invitations, verbal or written.

He is the rare child who has not forgotten an upcoming birthday. I once heard Sam’s 9-year-old older sister say, “So, Sam, you’re going to see all your friends this afternoon.”

He looked. “For what?”

“It’s your birthday party today!” she shouted, exasperated.

“Oh,” he said with a shrug. “Right.”

Other youngsters begin serious planning for the next birthday party the moment the ribbons are swept off the floor from the current party. In between are children of various inclinations. Here’s your cue: As soon as your child starts verbalizing plans for the next birthday party, say, “Remember, you have to invite someone until [give a date four weeks before the party or a reference point such as a holiday, beginning/end of school, etc.] You never know who you will always be friends with later. Because once you give an invitation, it stops.”

Pointer #2: A guest is 100% invited

Layering guests is another common dynamic. Young people will freely announce who is “next online” at their birthday party. However, the alignment of a waiting list clearly shows the waiting children their secondary, minor classification. It is better for your child to understand that if a guest is invited, the guest is invited one hundred percent.

Friends who aren’t invited to the party may ask your child, “How come I’m not invited to your birthday party?” or even follow up with: “You have been invited to mine.” Your child might respond by saying, “I’m just allowed to have it [#] guests Do you want to come over to my house to play soon?” Then arrange the play date.

In the suburbs, it is not uncommon for children to invite a large number of guests to an afternoon party, and from that group, to invite a smaller number of “closer” friends to stay for an evening party or of pajamas. If your child proposes such an arrangement, do not believe for a second that the guests who are not invited to stay will not find out about the most desired party, later. Faster than the speed at which a birthday present is torn, word will spread. Those who are not invited will become instantly and dismally aware of their diminished stature. On more than one occasion, I have picked up my daughter from a birthday party to find her fighting back tears, while next to me other parents are similarly comforting their children, also left, and knowing that true party had just begun.

Make sure your child understands that when a guest is invited, the guest is invited one hundred percent.

Pointer #3: Distribute invitations discreetly

Filling out and mailing birthday party invitations is a daunting task. It is no wonder that parents are tempted to simplify the process by personally distributing birthday party invitations at school.

When my youngest daughter Hannah was in preschool, I noticed that parents would place birthday party invitations in the children’s open cubby squares. Although this method did not present a problem when all the children in a class were invited to a party, when some young people were invited and others were not – especially when the invitations were in brightly colored envelopes – it was too clear for those. not invited that there was no envelope in i know cubbyhole. In the preschool years, it is better for parents to send the invitations directly to other parents or caregivers. Or, if it is not possible due to work schedules, to bite the bullet and by mail. Better yet, email the invitations if that’s a pleasant alternative.

The tendency to give invitations in public places traces through the grades. In the commotion that followed a high school game, I saw a pre-teen handing out birthday party invitations to a happy crowd surrounding him. Looking around, I noticed that other young people also saw the excitement, and they were not so happy.

Let these three tips guide you toward avoiding the ethical pitfalls in the world of birthday party invitations. Perhaps it is not too strict to say that the genre of children’s birthday party invitations represents a microcosm of American ethical practices. Why aren’t such daily interactions of family dynamics the engine of our lives?

So face those birthday parties with vim, vigor and knowledge. With your guidance, give your child another – a more durable kind of gift.

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