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Breakup Recovery – Taking Out the Digital Trash (Social Media)
A few years ago, if you broke up with someone, you would remove their pictures and try your best to avoid their calls. But today, social media and digital technology have become a cornerstone of our reality. You probably have a Facebook account, a Twitter account, and instant messaging, at least-all of which are related to your ex. This creates a dangerous situation, since it is very tempting to keep these accounts linked so that you can search from time to time and see what your ex is doing.
These fast communication methods also create a digital space where you and your ex can communicate without actually speaking. For example, you can enter a simple Tweet or a Facebook post like: “Just met an amazing person at the grocery store… WOW” or “I’m moving on with my life, leaving the past behind me” .
These are very bad ideas.
Being passive-aggressive, or talking to your ex through social media, are pitfalls you should avoid at all costs. Although it may feel good at the time of posting—and you may receive emotional support from other members of your network—it almost always comes back to bite you in the ass. Just as easily you can post something, your ex can too. So you’re faced with the nightmare of watching your ex’s new dating lifestyle become your reality.
The first thing you should do is block, un-friend, and unfollow your ex on ALL social media platforms. This includes removing them from your instant messaging list, as you don’t want to be reminded of them every time you log in.
It is entirely possible that you have a network of shared or mutual friends on these social networking sites. The last thing you need right now is to see a photo posted of your ex having a body shot by a half-clothed person. Remove them, remove them, remove all toxic material from your sight, and remove any way to cross your path.
The goal is not to go wild and delete them all from your accounts; this will only create additional drama. Also, you might want to keep some mutual friends for the future. Your best strategy is to create a social media blackout. Be careful, before you go flipping out at me; remember, this is only temporary and you can return in 30 days. Most, if not all, social media accounts allow you to temporarily cancel them. Essentially, what you are doing is turning it off. You can always come back and reactivate it at a later date.
Once you have removed your ex from all social media accounts and temporarily disabled your accounts, you will need to clean your phone. The pictures, text and social media linked on your smart phone constitute another silent trap that will draw you in more and more. Part of your social media cleanse is to unblock all social media accounts on your phone. This will usually happen when you deactivate your accounts, but to reduce the temptation to reactivate, remove all icons and accessibility.
Online dating has become a part of every person’s reality. Maybe you met your ex on an online dating site. Or, perhaps, it is your goal to put it back on the market and get back into the world of online dating. To date or not to date is a subject that we will cover in a later chapter, but for now a word of caution: If you met your ex online, there is a very good chance that your paths could cross again. Except, this time, the person cut out of the pictures is you! Or even worse, their profile may include the fact that they are looking for someone with completely opposite qualities to yours. This can be a very painful but unintentional dig, irritating even your already sensitive emotions. So, be careful and tread lightly. In fact, I would recommend not returning to that area until you are sure you can handle any run-ins with your ex.
Next, we address digital photos. Remember that sexy bathroom mirror photo your ex sent you? Yes, that must go. All digital photos on your phone, as well as anywhere you have quick access, should be deleted. You don’t have to delete it; you can burn them to disc or store them on a flash drive and bury them in the highest part of your garage. Better yet, give them to someone you trust for safekeeping.
The last step to erasing your ex’s fingerprint from your existence is to delete all the old text saved in your history file. You don’t have to use that old text where they say how much they love you or how sexy you are. You don’t need that garbage. Simply remove the whole story.
The last step is to delete your ex’s contact photo and change the name on your phone. This simple step is very powerful. When I was going through my breakup, I changed her name to read NEVER NEVER. Every time she called or texted, she reminded me of the path I had taken, and that I needed to avoid returning to dysfunction at all costs. When time passed and I passed the initial 30 days and had established new habits, I changed his name to the devil. Now, every time she calls or texts, I’m reminded that being with her is living in my own personal hell. These simple reminders set the tone and correct my thoughts. And as we learned earlier, our thoughts control our actions, habits, and ultimately our lifestyle.
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