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Pretty Woman! Learning to Live With Facial Disfigurement

Recently, a Facebook friend asked me how I learned to live with disfigurement. She is due to have extensive surgery and she knows it will change her face forever. I had to pause and look back at the last 21 years. Now, I forget that my face is different and only remember if he asks me what happened. He became my face.

I was thirty three years old when I lost my left eye, the socket and part of my face to cancer. The diagnosis was adenoid cystic carcinoma of the lacrimal gland. The prognosis was very poor. Losing my eye was my only chance to survive cancer. The choice was my face or my life.

Accepting the changes in my face was a long project. Friends and total strangers would give me unsolicited but sincere advice, such as: a new development they saw on the medical channel or read on the paper that could fix it. This seemed to imply that I was broken. I struggled with the embarrassment of my face and kept it hidden behind patches and glasses.

I tried to solve the problem by hiring a special effects company for movies to make a prosthetic eye. I had to close my eyes. So I put on a lot of makeup to hide the edges. As I went about my day, the makeup and glue would start to melt and slide off my face. My active lifestyle did not go well with the latex eye.

I went to counseling and started taking small risks. I would expose my face when participating in water sports to gauge the reaction of other people around me. Most of them ignored my face and continued to talk about the fun we had. In some ways it was a little disappointing. I expected some kind of reaction. Maybe I wasn’t as broken as I thought.

The turning point was when I counseled a 12-year-old boy who had been severely abused and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. In one of our sessions she said to me, “You tell me not to be ashamed of my scars, why are you ashamed of yours?” That day I took the patch off. Since then, I have walked with my head held high.

My husband and I are passionate about Dancing with the Stars. We have rooted for JR Martinez since week 1. He has done a wonderful service for those with facial disfigurements or who are facing disfiguring surgery. He showed us how to let the inner light shine and stand proud. Remember that you are not just your face. They are much more. Look proud and allow your inner light to shine.

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