How To Talk To A 3 Year Old About Cancer Rant – Move Over Dennis Miller – I’ve Got Some Things to Say About Health, Fitness and Nutrition

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Rant – Move Over Dennis Miller – I’ve Got Some Things to Say About Health, Fitness and Nutrition

Time to get something off my chest about health, fitness and nutrition. You may not agree with all (or any!) of these, but I hope they get you thinking!

Rant #1 – Why does everything make us fat or cause cancer?

It seems like we can’t eat or drink anything these days without being told it will make us fat or cause cancer.

We try to eat canned tuna to eat less fat and we get mercury poisoning. We eat fruits and vegetables for vitamins and fiber and pesticides give us tumors. We eat chicken and get mad chicken disease and now farm raised salmon will give you swine flu. Wine is good or bad for you, depending on whether you eat it with cheese or with crackers!

What happened to the good old days when we got fat from eating too much cake and got sick from eating too much paint off the walls? Now I heard that you can get cancer from worrying about cancer.

Rant #2 – Low Carb Beer

Do beer companies seriously believe they can make people believe they are selling diet beer? With all their talk about who has 1 gram less carbs in a tablespoon than the other, they seem to forget that it’s actually the ALCOHOL in their product that makes you fat!

Alcohol isn’t just alcohol, it basically snuffs out your fat-burning enzymes, it’s also preferentially stored as fat and seriously depletes your body’s production of muscle-building hormones like testosterone.

I think saying “low carb” sounds better than saying “watered-down”. Later, they added caffeine and Gatorade and called it “high performance beer.”

Rant #3 – “Nutrient of the Week” Bandwagon Marketing

Did you hear? Froot Loops are now healthy because they contain added calcium! They contain added calcium because someone decided to add a big bag of chalk to the sugar from which they make it. You can now feed your ADD sugar-crazed kids with a clear conscience because it is now healthy for them because it has CALCIUM.

I’m looking forward to the day when some smart marketer takes a piece of blackboard chalk and sells it as a “Calcium Stir Stick” for your coffee.

I also love it when a product that has been around for 30 years suddenly proclaims that it is now “fat free” or “low carb”, even though it has always been around and everyone knows it. “Fat Free” or “Low-Carb” water is not the revolutionary product it is made out to be.

But what really takes the cake are vitamin companies who proudly jump on the nutrient bandwagon crying “See! We’ve got it all!” when their pills are so tightly compressed and unabsorbable you can still read the brand stamp on them when they come out the other end (I have it on good authority from a certain Port-o-Potty specialist I know) !

Rant #5 – Making low carb foods out of foods that shouldn’t be low carb

Orange juice should not be low carb. I don’t care what they say. If I want low-carb orange juice, I add my own water instead of paying the sugar company to add it for me and charge me extra for the privilege. That’s all I have to say.

Rant #6 – Trying to pass off unhealthy foods as healthy

Pork Rinds Lite – now with 25% less fat, sodium, cholesterol, lead and cyanide.

Even if you take some symbolic percentage of the bad things from a bad food, it will still be a bad food. It’s like buying reduced fat – it’s still lard. Now it just has a better name. However, it’s so easy to reduce the fat in a portion by making the portion smaller, what’s the point? Who sits down and only eats 3 cheese doodles?

When I eat a food that I know is bad, I know it’s bad, but sometimes I’ll eat it anyway. I’m not an idiot. I will not proceed to make you an unhealthy food. Nobody puts a gun to my head to eat. I don’t believe for a second that a slight reduction in the “perceived badness” of a food somehow makes it “healthy”. So please don’t try to sugar coat this delicious garbage unless it’s for taste.

Rant #7 – The Amazing Diet Patch

The only way to lose weight with the Diet Patch is to put it on your mouth. ‘Nuff said.

Rant #8 – Expensive Urine and Other Bashing Supplements

There are doctors even to this day who believe that taking vitamins only results in expensive urine. I believe you can get all the vitamins and minerals you need in a balanced diet. Unfortunately, the only balanced diet that some people get is when they try to bring 3 plates to the table in one hand.

Jumping directly to prescribing expensive drugs to mask the symptoms to people who are probably just desperately in need of basic nutrition is the epitome of expensive urine, in my opinion.

And then there is creatine. You may remember the buzz a few years ago when some of the “don’t-confuse-us-with-the-facts” media jumped on a story about the death of some high school wrestlers. They were taking creatine to improve their performance so obviously it must have killed them. It certainly wasn’t because they were taking long steam baths in rubber suits and exercising intensely without drinking adequate water to desperately make weight for a fight match. It must be the horrible supplement that did it because no one ever died from catastrophic dehydration or heatstroke, right?

Let me clarify – there is nothing dangerous about creatine. It is a natural substance that is already in your body in quantity. It is found in every piece of meat you eat. The only way creatine could hurt you is if someone dropped a bucket on your foot.

Supplements only seem to make the news when someone has something bad to say about them, regardless of whether it’s true or not.

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