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Coping With Pet Loss?

Is it possible to mourn the loss of your beloved animal companion? Absolutely! Losing a pet touches our hearts very deeply, as we love them very much. We experienced a painful loss because there was a special bond between you and your loving companion animal, and … grief is the natural response to a loss.

The first loss I had in my life, when I was eight years old, was the loss of my rabbit, Blancanieves (Snow White). I remember as if it were today, how much I suffered when I realized that she couldn’t move… that she was dead. Being the first time I experienced death, it was an event that touched my heart tremendously. Based on what many parents do, I was offered to get another pet so I wouldn’t be so sad. I did not want to have another animal, as I did not want to replace it. Although I did not have the opportunity to have a ritual, my mother allowed me to use the morning clothes for a month. I guess it was my way of expressing my grief and honoring my beloved rabbit. I kept this pain in my heart, and it wasn’t until I did my graduate studies in Loss & Healing, that I could cry for Blancanieves. When our teacher told us to do a loss story (something I do now with my clients), I think the first loss was my father’s death when I was 12 years old. Next, he explained the concept of losses…which involved more than the death of a loved one (person) but also animals. When I wrote about Blancanieves, I cried so deeply, because I had never had the opportunity to express my true feelings. This made me realize that the pain that we ignore does not cease to exist, it is only repressed.

If you have this type of loss, you may feel that people do not understand how you loved your beloved pet, because they minimize your loss. They may have never owned an animal or loved animals. Also, they can say that you are not a child to cry and that it was “just an animal”. Yes, it was your beloved pet… You may think that they are not sensitive, and that they do not validate your pain. Also, you may think that you will be fine and will not suffer the absence. However, do not be surprised if you find yourself experiencing despair over the loss of your loved one.

This reminds me of a story about Ellen (names changed), a woman who lost her dog and came for grief counseling. When he suffered the loss, a mutual friend called me to let me know about his loss and that he was probably calling me. She really did. But not to make an appointment for pain support, but to say that his friend told him about me, but that it was okay.

After three weeks, I received another phone call from Ellen. This time crying and letting them know how sad she felt without her dog. He understood… that she was grieving and was surprised by this, as she never expected that she could stop the loss of an animal. Denying pain is what is happening in our society. We are not allowed to mourn. Many times we don’t give ourselves permission to grieve. If you have lost your beloved pet, cry if you want. Do a ritual. Share your pet’s stories, and allow your heart to heal.

If you want to talk about your pet loss, share your feelings with people who understand and validate the love you feel for your pet.

If you are the friend or family of someone who suffers the loss of a pet, offer your helping hand, because what he needs is your compassion and support. Allow them to express their pain and accompany them if they want to elaborate a ritual.

To be surrounded by people who love us in times of pain, can make a real difference in our lives.

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