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Divorce Drama – Rewriting Your Divorce Story

To transform the pain of divorce into the wisdom of life, we need to understand our divorce drama. An excellent resource that I highly recommend on this subject is Debbie Ford’s powerful book, Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life. The process is simple, unconscious and very powerful. Things happen in our lives and we assign meaning to these events in order to understand them. So we started writing the scripts, or our relationship “story” was born.

We often start our scenarios when we are very young children. For example, the young woman whose father travels all the time and breaks his promise to be at her ballet recital. The script and plot of “Men Don’t Show Up For Me” are being rewritten. This is done on a subconscious level. So the casting call for life goes out in search of men to play that part again, and again. The plot is played with new characters, or the same old characters in new ways, with you in the role of protagonist. All the while, the 6-year-old girl in her tutu and ballet slippers sits in the director’s chair.

On one level, our stories provide security and identity. Yet they become a limitation and keep us limited to a narrow range of what is possible in our lives. Some people get so attached and identify with their stories that they are reluctant to let them go. By acknowledging our divorce drama, we can begin to write new stories. Instead of our film being a melodrama, we can turn it into an adventure thriller, or a sincere comedy or a love story. Here are some ways to get rid of your divorce drama.

1. Read the Script

Stop and identify your relationship history. Who did you cast as the villain and the victim? What have you assigned as the motivations of the main characters? Write your plot synopsis in your journal so you can clearly distinguish your story. Knowing your history will help ensure that you don’t remain your default mode of operation. Spiritual Divorce has some excellent exercises to help you do this.

2. Take a Meeting

Take a big step away from the drama of your divorce. Understand that we are all co-creators of our reality. At some spiritual level, we signed on to this project. It is a co-production between us and our ex-spouses.

To glean wisdom from life’s dramas, my mentor, Barbara De Angelis, recommends asking “If I ordered this experience, what would I think?” Ask your higher self what is the lesson you are meant to receive from this situation? Take the time to ask, and the still quiet voice of your inner wisdom will begin to answer.

3. Reconsider Your Director

Who is directing your film now? Is it a scared 8-year-old boy or an angry 5-year-old girl who didn’t get her way? If so, it’s time to get out of the director’s chair and assign a little part instead. To free yourself from the drama of divorce, your manager must be an adult who is ready and willing to create the life you deserve to have.

4. Review Your Movie

You can use your divorce drama as an excuse or an inspiration. The next step is to review your film. Would you give it two thumbs up? Is that one you’d like to see more often? So often, people who stay in their stories use it as an excuse to blame others, to remain a victim, or to play small.

Does your story stir up some anger in you? Great! Do you use it to harness your passion and act to break a limiting pattern, or release a situation that does not support you? The bottom line is every day we write a new script. It can keep us in the past, or it can motivate us towards a new future. The choice is yours.

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