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Is Your Child a Sex Offender’s Target?-Learn Their Ruse
Sex offenders come from all walks of life, ages and every socio-economic status. They can be male or female, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, religious, atheist or agnostic, doctors, lawyers, judges, policemen, educated or uneducated and any race.
o The perpetrator is known to the survivor in more than 85 percent of child sexual abuse crimes – a parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, sibling, friend, guardian, coach, teacher, neighbor, or parent of a playmate/friend.
o Aliens can be “good” or “bad”. (including females) People you or your children know can be “good” or “bad”. (including females).
o We do children a great disservice when we teach Stranger Danger and leave it at that. According to government statistics less than 1% of all sexually abused children are abused by a stranger.
o Sixty-seven percent of adults convicted of sex crimes in FY 1995 had no criminal record.
Many pedophiles look for mothers from single-parent families or uninvolved parents in order to victimize their children. For example: A Sports Illustrated article, September 3, 1999, issue, “Who is Coaching Your Kids?” about coaches sexually abusing the boys on the team they coach. Thursday, October 21, 1999, Dateline rebroadcasts a segment on coaches who sexually abuse children. Friday, November 5, 1999, 20/20 aired a small town sexual abuse case involving a scout leader, who sexually abused several boys for over a year. A coach in these cases said he was looking for families or single-parent families where the parents were often absent from practice or games. “These children are hungry for attention and I give them the attention they crave. I take them for an ice cream after a game or shopping. It’s amazing that parents rarely question my motives. If they do , I have a tailor-made explanation. which never fails to calm his suspicions.”
Other examples: The school teacher, who often stays after school to help a child with academic difficulties; a parent who takes time off work to accompany students on field trips; the grandpa who lavishes gifts when he takes the kid for a fun outing, the neighbor who seems genuinely interested in your kid.
I am not suggesting that everyone who reaches out to children is a sex offender. However, insidious, the perpetrators demonstrate the right, moral and exemplary behavior to develop credibility and establish proof of their love for children; these actions thus nullify any suspicion of evil.
Montel Williams on his show on November 11, 1999 exclaimed in exasperation “Why can’t we do something about this?” as he discovered the details of a ten-year-old pregnant girl, who had been raped several times by the eighteen-year-old son of her mother’s boyfriend. Although, this story may seem unusual and / or fodder for a dramatic show of Montel Williams, it is unfortunately too common.
Most sex offenders “groom” their victims before any sexual abuse for a period of months or even years. After gaining the trust of the parents, the offender offers to sit the child or provide fun activities. During this time, he proceeds to take care of the child. The perpetrator is aware that the child must be controlled until he/she can sexually abuse the child without fear of disclosure to another adult. This manipulation can be achieved in many ways: favors, threats, guilt, etc.
A mother has revealed that her husband played a tickling game with her three-year-old son. The rules of the game were such that it was fun – the son was ordered to tickle the father’s nipples while sitting in a straddled position over the father’s naked body from the waist up. The object of this game was to “Make Dad laugh”. Of course, the father could give up laughing until he experienced the sexual stimulation he wanted. When the mother objected to this game, the father admonished her for being jealous of her time with her son.
Another mother was horrified when her three-year-old daughter asked her to play the “pee-pee” game. She asked her daughter to explain this game. Her daughter sat on her back on the floor, legs spread wide and said: “Touch my ‘pee-pee’, Mom, that’s what dad does.”
Why the Sex Offender trick works more often than not…
Sex offenders rely on society’s misconceptions about their well-honed cunning.
As a society, we vehemently condemn foreign child sex offenders, but when someone we know is suspected or accused, many people take sides often refusing to believe that “a pillar of the community” could commit this type of crime. The true pedophile of the seducer type is extremely good at what he does. He puts himself in a position in his family or community where he has easy access to children. They often work hard (sometimes for years) to gain the trust of family or community members. If an allegation is made against this person by a child, it is often too emotionally difficult for families who love and trust this family member or trust and allow the accused in their home to believe that he could commit such a act against a child. Michael Jackson is a prime example of society’s refusal to recognize its error of judgment. The betrayal is too great and many families will not only deny the possibility, but will blame and defame the child who makes the allegation. This is what the offender counts. Families deceived by cunning predators could not imagine the degree of betrayal possible and the extent that a predator would go to, to abuse a child.
Appropriate suspicion is the answer. See my article, Protecting Your Child From Sex Offenders – Exercise Appropriate Suspicion
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