How To Teach A 3 Year Old How To Read Disciplining a Kid the Parental-Love Way

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Disciplining a Kid the Parental-Love Way

Is occasional spanking good for babies?

Should I be a “free-range” parent?

If I use consequences, does it mean that I don’t have the love of my child?

In November The time the cover story said parents are over-parenting. I think I am, but what should I do instead?

It’s just a sample of what you’ve read in the media and blogs for the past six months. Never in the history of parenting have parents been so confused and blamed. But good news! There is a refreshing response to this confusion and accusation.

This answer has been under our collective noses since the beginning of parenting: it’s parental love. Rarely is parental love fully developed. It seems so ancient, we just ignore it. But when parents fully implement their love, children are always happy and respectful. Now, don’t press the delete button. This is not just another crazy therapist rant. See for yourself. Please take a few moments to read the brief summary that follows.

Here’s what I discovered after dusting off this “old hat” but potentially powerful parenting resource I call parenting love. And it took forty years and 2500 customers to come to these proven conclusions that really work.

The fundamental need, essential for the child’s life (equal to feeling the need for food) is to hear and believe “I am good for who I am inside, not my appearance” and to avoid “I am bad “. When this belief is established, you have a happy and respectful child. And you feel good. Parents have the good to establish the child’s need to believe “I am good” constantly focusing on the good in the center of their child, even during the discipline. (Okay, it takes training, but it can be done over a three-week period.) Discipline (teaching and training) is less effective when parents focus only on behaviors. (This is the normal focus of parents). But doing so puts the parental cart before the horse. The first order of business discipline is to focus on and validate feelings. Here is the key: the validation of feelings makes the child feel that he is “good” in the eyes of the parents (remember that “I am good” is the essential need of the child’s life). Now with “I’m good” established, changing the behavior will work better.

It is an overview of what it means to release your love. Now we go into a summary of discipline, or, stated another way, teaching and training. And we always remember the first principle of discipline: firm, consistent, respectful, limit.

Teaching. Part of teaching discipline is helping your child acquire two critical pieces of information about life: healthy beliefs and acceptable behaviors. Beliefs are central. They serve as a road map and source of energy to determine the child’s behavior. The two fundamental beliefs to teach are “I am good” and what is right and wrong (the child’s guilt system). When these beliefs are established, parents train the child to acquire appropriate behavior. And here are the parents’ love guidelines for teaching: use the discussion procedure (see the next paragraph), avoid judging, avoid negative comments, be quiet, talk no more than 25 percent of the time and during that time ask as many questions as possible. , make only one or two points at a time, keep the points short, and admit your mistakes. (I bet you’ve already practiced at least two or three of those.)

All the teaching of parents must begin with the child who feels understood and accepted for his point of view. Only then can there be an effective solution to the problems. This part of understanding and acceptance is accomplished through the four-step discussion procedure shown below: Listen, Repeat, Accept, and Validate.

“Adam, tell me what happened that caused you to deal with your misfortune by hitting your sister.”

“She came into my room and started playing with my Legos. I told her to stop and she didn’t.” (Listen)

Dad echoes Adam’s comment without giving his points, and then asks, “Did I understand correctly?” (repeat)

Dad agrees with one thing, even though he knows full well that Adam is in Sarah’s room, but he bites his tongue about it: “I agree. must you are angry about your sister breaking into your room. ” (Accept)

Then the father validates: “I can see how you get tired of your sister coming unannounced. It would be too.” (Validation)

Now Father turns and asks Adam to listen and repeat what Father said. (Do not ask Adam to do the last two steps, agreeing and validating. These steps are too complex for a preteen.) Listening and repeating takes some practice, but eventually even a three-year-old child can learn these two steps. Now Adam and Father understand each other and are ready to acquire a new behavior. That’s the training part.

The formation. The goal of training is twofold: to establish in the child (1) healthy behaviors and (2) the ability to use, at a moment’s notice, established ways of thinking and believing to choose between right and wrong behavior. A fundamental training task is to train your son or daughter to delay gratification. “I want my way, now” doesn’t work. Again, remember the principle of fundamental discipline: firm, consistent, respect, limit-setting.

Here is a summary of the must have training skills:

Always recognize the good in the center of your child during everyone (or at least 90 percent or more) training exercises, especially during boot camp sessions, such as “Learn to Drive”.

Always shape training expectations in accordance with your child’s feelings and thoughts (1) your feelings and thoughts (leave your own temporarily), (2) developmental stage, and (3) personality unique (characteristics of temperament). Special warning: don’t automatically train based on how you’ve been parenting unless it works for your child.

Use the VT&T training sequence guaranteed to work almost every time: “V” for to validate the feelings that cause your child’s behavior, “T” for to teach because specific behaviors or beliefs are important (75 percent listening, 25 percent speaking—mostly asking questions), “T” for form / establish healthy behaviors and beliefs in your child. (It helps to have your husband or friend cheerlead your efforts: “Give me a V…” Okay, skip it. But encouragement helps.)

Set expectations for 98 percent success when training for a new behavior. Doesn’t it feel good to be successful right away?

Keep a calm voice or close to calm and facial expressions – neither meanness nor – during all training exercises. (Ninety percent will if sorry for the 10 percent “I’m only human” mistake.) Too much anger, too often is harmful.

Motivation is the training engine that changes behavior: logical consequences, rewards, deprivations. Special warning: Pain is a destructive motivator; skip the punishment. Post 3 x 5 cards with this message in several places: The biggest training motivator translated into kid-talk- “I want my mom and dad to accept me no matter what.”

Now you have the basics for what the discipline version of parental love looks like. Apply these principles in your family and you too will raise a happy and respectful child.

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