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Dr. Romance on How to Stretch Time
Dr Romance writes:
Do you want to extend the time – to make the time you have go further, and use it more for what you really want to do? Stretching time is not difficult if you have the prerequisites: self-awareness, sense of purpose, thoughtful action and a playful approach.
As with all successful life skills, timing works best if you know yourself well. When you become aware of your priorities – for example, where work, relationship, family and fun fall on the list “What is most important”? Are you spending the most time on what is most important?
You will be more efficient and less stressed if you learn to take your personal and family time. Families need to sit down together and decide what activities are really worth it, and what is just a “rat race”. Learning to avoid “time-wasters” (such as unnecessary e-mails, TV or people talking too much on the phone) is crucial, because some people and activities can absorb a lot of time and are not worth it. Becoming “time conscious” is the best way to achieve balance.
If you are a parent, you also need time. This can be achieved by allowing children over seven years old to spend the night occasionally at friends’ houses, and then received. This allows both sets of parents a chance to be alone, to go out, to have a break. “Family networks” in which several families (related or not) share time, driving, babysitting, etc. they can really expand the amount of time off that each family enjoys.
The key is to achieve a balance between work/play, self/others, give/receive and time off/financial security. Ensuring the balance between work and the rest of your life is the key to avoid burnout. You will be much better off doing this yourself, think about your options, schedule in personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sense of purpose:
As you become more aware of your priorities, you may also discover a sense of purpose. Or maybe you already know what your sense of purpose is. However you get there (and I’ve given instructions in both The Real 13th Step and It Ends With You, if you want more information) knowing what you want to do with your life saves an incredible amount of time. Once you know your goal, many decisions are made in advance – it becomes a decision process that moves you closer to your goal, which will not be, and that saves time lost in experimenting, waffling and indecisive.
Learning to be patient and keep calm also extends time and relieves stress. Cultivating patience is actually learning impulse control: Learn how to do “emotional maintenance” and shake off stress; How to quit when something comes to you. It is a problem in self-control. To gain patience, you must stop the urge to quit, change your thinking/attitude, call a friend to be encouraged. People who need to learn patience do not know how to tell that they are impulsive, or how to stop them. They often have a sense of entitlement (“I didn’t want to wait” – he said with some pride) and a lack of emotional maturity. They really are like emotional three-year-olds in grown-up bodies. To learn the patience and determination necessary to reach long-term goals, practice first on small things, and learn to sort out what is worth exercising patience, and what is not.
For example, there are situations and people that you have to work a little more to understand what they mean, to not take what they say the wrong way, or use a little more patience around them, because their personalities or styles are very different from yours.
Perhaps you have encountered people who test your patience at work, with friends or among extended family. Sometimes people are hard to deal with because they remind us of other people we had problems with in the past, so we are attracted and frustrated at the same time. Others can be difficult for many people around them. Problems with a familiar type of person may not emerge until you are already connected and involved as friends or partners.
The following exercise will help you step back and look at others as a source of information about yourself, see people from a different angle and use the people who disturb you as a reflection of the internal dynamics behind to your struggles.
To leave the small things:
1: Perspective — put it in perspective — will it be important an hour from now — fifteen minutes from now? Most of them won’t be.
2. Self-understanding: If someone or something upsets you, do not aggravate the problem by taking your own case to react. Reactions are normal – it’s what we do with them that counts.
3: Rise above: If someone scared you (a driver who cut you off) then say a little prayer of thanks that you survived, bless the other driver (who probably needs it) and you will feel better.
4. Benefit of the doubt: If someone hurts your feelings, recognize that your feelings are hurt, then consider that the other person is probably more clumsy than intentionally hurt. The world is full of emotional klutzes who don’t understand the impact of their words and actions, and they create more problems for themselves than for you.
5. Consider the source: A neighbor or associate who is really nasty can repeatedly hurt your feelings. Consider what must be going on in that person’s head, and be grateful that you are not being heard. Even the meanest people are much meaner to themselves than to others. That person is trying to relieve their pain by inflicting something on you.
Acting thoughtfully rather than impulsively means that your actions are effective, and therefore more time saving.
Because time is precious, learn to budget as you budget your money. In counseling my clients, I have found that putting them on a “time diet” works wonders. Be careful of the “times” – TV, computer, e-mail, etc., and phone conversations with people who talk a lot without purpose. Learn to say “no” to non-essential time wasters so you can spend more time doing the things that matter to you. Knowing how to balance and prioritize, cooperate and plan your time so that everything has a place is the key. Individuals and couples need to prioritize, cooperate and plan their time so that everything has a place. Becoming “time conscious” is the best way to achieve balance. Ensuring the balance between work and the rest of your life is the key to avoid burnout. You will be much better off doing this yourself, think about your options, schedule in personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sometimes, having duplicate tools and supplies saves time – for example, having scissors, makeup, nail files, etc. in several places in the house, so they are where you need them when you want them, or if you travel a lot, like me, have your travel kit available at all times, with the items you need, and keep only to travel . I have a separate “kit” for several activities: one for the gym, one for the pool, one for my music lessons, one for the church choir. When you come home from a trip or a workout, refresh the kit so it’s ready for the next time. For example, when I come home from the pool, I take wet towels, put them in buckets – and I’m ready to go in the next round.
A playful approach may not specifically extend the time, but it makes you feel that the time spent is worth it. A way to enjoy the time you have, and feel more satisfied, is to remember that life should not be all seriousness – to really feel that life is worth living, we all need to have fun. Yes, funny. You remember fun! Fun, humor, leisure activities and silliness are ways to recharge, renew our energy, restore our hope and a positive outlook, and connect with others.
Fun doesn’t depend on spending money or going to extremes. It does not depend on a particular setting, partner or activity, and it should not take a lot of time.. Having fun is an internal process. You can have fun sitting still and thinking about interesting or pleasant things, or working in your garden, petting the cat, talking quietly with a friend, or playing cards with a few. Singing, dancing, playing a sport and drawing a picture are fun pastimes for some people. If you’re like me, playing with your brain is fun. Fun also creates a deep inner connection. Through play, we reconnect with our hearts, our children, and the intuitive and spontaneous part of our psyche.
For many people today (due, in part, no doubt, to the images of pleasure seen in the media), the definition of fun has been distorted. Some ideas of what is fun are connected to excess, such as having a couple of drinks or engaging in “extreme” sports. Some people think that to have fun, they have to spend a lot of money to travel or dine out. Others think that to have fun, they need to be around the “right kind of people.” The saddest of all are those who rely on others to “create” their fun.
Most of us think of entertaining as something we do on special occasions, something that requires a bit of advance planning. We have entire industries dedicated to helping you play, it seems like a new theme park opens every week. But when you look back on your happiest life experiences, they are more likely to be spontaneous and simple rather than elaborate and expensive. Play is recreation – that is, the activity that “recreates” us, makes us see life differently and be refreshed by change.
You don’t need to separate play and fun from anything else you do. A lighthearted approach to serious matters is often the most productive. Try laughing – get a desk calendar with a new cartoon every day, share a joke you received by e-mail, tell a co-worker what your child said (or listen to his story) or talk of the fun scene. in the latest blockbuster movie – it will lower your blood pressure, calm your pulse and generally help you release a lot of stress.
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