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Counseling for Depression and Anxiety
Some depression and anxiety can be helped by incorporating caring self-talk and supporting self-worth and assertiveness. We tend to do to ourselves and others what was done to us in childhood. Now as adults we have to give ourselves all the healthy things we need from healthy parents. Here are some things to do to change the foundations of depression and anxiety:
Step 1. Write down the negative things you think about yourself, others and your circumstances. This activity will bring to your conscious awareness the negative thinking and self-talk that is common to many types of depression and anxiety. Negative and self-critical self-talk demoralizes the ego and manifests as feeling down, blue, sad, anxious, fearful and doubtful. This low mood and anxiety affect sleep, eating and low energy. Common examples of negative self-talk are: I’m incapable, I can’t do it, I’m not lovable, I’m a failure, I’ve failed again, I can’t do it, nobody wants to talk to me, nobody. he cares about me, etc.
Step 2. Write statements that are self-care, nurturing, reassuring, supportive and validating. This exercise helps to identify the opposites of negative self-talk: I can do it, I have many abilities, I am cute and kind, I can get what I need and want, I deserve to be happy, I can succeed, etc. .
Step 3. Write down the negative things that your parents said or communicated to you when you were growing up. Here you can write what you thought your parents felt about you because of what they said or did, such as: I wish I was never born, I don’t like you, I don’t care about you, I don’t want to be near you, You are in the way, you are a nuisance, you must be seen but not heard, etc.
Step 4. Write down the things you need or want your parents to say to you as a child. Here you can write the things you want or need your parents to say or do like: I love you no matter what happens, I’m so happy you’re in my life, You can succeed, It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt , Everything will be fine, I feel the same sometimes, you can do something, you are good at this, thank you for helping me, you are so kind and attentive, etc.
Step 5. Write down what you would do or say if you saw another child being treated the way you were treated in #3. If you heard someone say bad things to a child or slap a child, what would you say? Maybe you say things like: You don’t have the right to say that, Be kind to the child, The child needs your love, You need to support your child and be reassuring and caring and loving and affectionate, You have need to be encouraged, etc. .
Step 6. If you had all the positive things as a child that you need from healthy parents, how do you imagine that your life could be different today? If your parents had said encouraging, caring and supportive things to you as a child, how do you imagine your life could be different today? This step helps you formulate and create a vision for how your life can be different in a healthy way. The depression that comes from negative self-talk is a form of self-abandonment and self-abuse. The ultimate self-abuse and self-abandonment is self-harm and suicidal thinking. On the contrary, hope, optimism, self-worth and self-confidence form the basis of a stable mood and sense of security, safety, confidence, well-being, inner peace, personal power and happiness.
Step 7.Now you must be for you all the things that you need your parents to be for you: encourage, nurture, love, care, support and reassuring. This means that you need to tell yourself and be for yourself all the positive things that you need from healthy parents. If no one can give you the care you need, who leaves? In the end, you are the one who must take care of you. So that means you should choose healthy people to be in your life, and you should be supportive of yourself and that other person you care about. In this way you will take care of yourself. Another important piece is to stand up for yourself and support yourself when you are treated badly by others.
Step 8.You must be assertive and say things like: I don’t like your tone, I deserve more respect than that, I deserve a raise, I feel angry when…etc. Take care of that boy or girl who has been abused and mistreated. That boy or girl is still inside you and needs your protection. Be for yourself now what you need then. Will you do it for him or her?
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