How To Tell If My 3 Year Old Is Autistic Commands – Is There a Better Way to Communicate?

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Commands – Is There a Better Way to Communicate?

Dad follows 7-year-old Kenny to the shower. Kenny drags his towel across the carpet. Dad says, “Pick up your tablecloth!” Kenny turns around and sees that the towel is on the floor. He takes it and goes to the bathroom.

Is there anything wrong with this exchange? In fact, there is. If you stop and think about your father’s parenting style, maybe you can understand. Is it being authoritarian, permissive or an innovative parent? How do you improve your father’s communication skills?

Are you not sure? Well, let’s look at the situation more closely. If you believe the adage – when people know better they do better – we apply here. What’s wrong with dragging a bath towel on the floor? It gets dirty. People like to dry with a clean towel. It’s more hygienic that way.

Father uses commands to structure his child’s behavior. “Stop teasing the dog.” “Put down your toys.” – Take your bath. “Do your homework.” “Turn off the TV.” “Do this – don’t do that!” Perhaps there are a thousand or more commands that parents use to guide their children, but commands are the sign of the authoritative parent. Such parents make orders and their child is expected to do as they were ordered. The subordinate (in our case – Kenny) is not expected to think for himself. Dad just tells him what to do.

What if the father changed his communication style to declarative sentences? What difference would it make? “Kenny, your tablecloth is dragging on the floor.” Dad says a fact. Once Kenny’s awareness is stimulated, he can choose himself to pick up the towel or continue dragging.

If he solves the problem by taking it – Dad could say good choice or nothing because Kenny solved the problem and he doesn’t need to reinforce it.

If Kenny looks puzzled, like “What’s the big deal if my towel drags on the floor?” Dad might say, “I don’t think you want to dry yourself with a dirty towel after cleaning up in the shower.” Now Kenny has more information than he had. He can choose himself to take his towel.

If you avoid doing the children’s thinking for them, they are more likely to increase their critical thinking skills and their IQ. When parents expect children to analyze information and come to a reasonable and rational solution to problems, you may be surprised how often they do.

Don’t use commands continuously – you can save them for when they will have the biggest impact. Stop! No! Don’t do that! These commands have a special meaning – especially when a child is on a dangerous road. In these cases after the emergency stops, explain why you ordered them the way you did – so they can understand why – that further develop their thinking skills.

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