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Morgan Pressel Cinderellas From John Kennedy Into Tiger Woods
As Yogi Berra said, “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” Now it seems that earthlings are only to follow the dinosaurs to extinction in the third nuclear world war and its consequences nuclear winter after the ultraviolet summer. However, it’s not over until it’s over. Just ask Morgan Pressel.
Pixie blonde 18-year-old Morgan Pressel was on the 18th green yesterday at the first major women’s golf tournament of the year, the Dinah Shore Kraft Nabisco at 2 under par. At the time, Norwegian golfer Suzann Pettersen was on the 15th hole with a four-shot lead over Morgan Pressel with four holes to go. It was at this moment that Morgan Pressel’s late mother, Kathy Krickstein, took gold pixie dust from her purse and sprinkled it all over the Mission Hills golf course in Rancho Mirage California.
Morgan Pressel said, “My mom is still with me and I know she’s proud of me.” Two years ago, Morgan’s 42-year-old mother lost her battle with breast cancer and Morgan was raised by her pathologist, Papa Herb Krickstein, and her baby Evelyn Krickstein, who held Morgan’s hand as they took the celebratory jump in the lake on the 18th after Morgan became the youngest. greatest champion ever in women’s golf. Asked: “How was the jump in the pond?” Morgan said: “Wet and cold but I’d love to do it again.”
For those who don’t believe in curses, read about the Kennedy family and the Anna Nicole Smith family. The only way for Dannielynn Smith to top Caroline Kennedy now would be if she choked on a piece of gefilte fish at the Passover Seder tonight like John Kennedy’s sister.
Two years ago, 16-year-old Morgan Pressel was standing in the middle of the 18th fairway at the US Open tied with Birdie Kim for the lead. Birdie was 10 miles from the hole in the greenside bunker right when Birdie blew Morgan Pressel’s brains out with a magic bullet bunker shot into the bottom of the cup that ripped the victory away from Morgan who looked like it had in the bag. The strange thing is how often it happens in golf. Greg Norman shot himself in the head in the Masters playoff when Larry Mize hit an impossible pitch, in the PGA when Paul Azinger hit an impossible bunker shot on 18 and in Hawaii when Robert Gamez rubbed salt into the holes in greg’s bullet head. hit on 18 from 175 yards.
Equally amazing in golf is how often players collapse down the stretch. This coming Sunday, April 8, 2007 is Easter Sunday. They say the Masters don’t start until nine o’clock on Sunday. Golf Messiah Tiger Woods says that his Buddhist faith helped him forget himself in the stretch and Zen in the area. Tiger Woods is known for keeping his composure while those around him crack under the indescribable pressure. Johnny Miller still talks about how in his day Lee Trevino or Arnold Palmer or Tom Watson would come in charge of Secretariat on Sunday with a 64 and how today the average score of Tiger Woods’ playing partner in the final group is 79. Ha Tiger Woods. sold his soul to Satan? Does Buddhism recognize Satan? Sino, he’s the red guy behind the ropes with the horns and pointy tail that smells like sulfur.
The Hebrew name for demons is “dybbuk”. Morgan Pressel says her Jewish faith is very important to her. Jews wear red bendels, red ribbons to ward off evil spirits. Morgan Pressel is the first Jewish Major champion, unless you count Cory Pavin, a born-again Christian. This week Pope Benedict XVI said that hell and demons exist. The Pontiff will use holy water and smoke and about 217 other rituals this week to cleanse the Vatican of evil spirits, not to mention his Callaway golf hat. The most striking display of supernatural beings occurred at Winged Foot on the 18th when the late Davis Love Jr. canopied the 18th green celebrating his son’s first Major PGA title with a magical rainbow.
The Zapruder film shows Satan himself shooting the magic bullet from the grassy knoll into John Kennedy’s head. The question is: “Legendary collapses occur because the winner sold his soul to Satan or because the winner was blessed by God and the archangels Michael, Gabriel, Uriel and Raphael, or because an evil person cursed the leader or because the leader suffered from either broken nerves or mental defect?” Yesterday at the Dinah Shore Suzann Pettersen closed bogey, double bogey, bogey and then parred the par 5 18th which Morgan Pressel birdied. Suzann Pettersen was the first golfer from Oslo Norway which is just south of Hell Norway. The underworld of Norway is just east of Greenland, which melted during the Dinah Shore.
Tiger Woods won the last British Open and PGA and will go this week for his third consecutive major championship and his second Tiger Slam. Tiger Woods has won 3 consecutive US Open. At the age of 16 Morgan Pressel won the women’s fans of the United States. At the age of 12, Morgan Pressel became the youngest person to ever qualify for the US Women’s Open. It didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s just that everyone was focused on Michelle Wie for her prodigious length off the tee. Unfortunately, Michelle can’t chip or putt and has lost Dave Pelz’s phone number.
Carnoustie Scotland is just west of Oslo Norway. In 1999 at the British Open in Carnoustie Scotland, Jean Van de Velde came to the 18th hole needing only a double bogey to win the Claret Jug and immortality. Curtis Strange announced in the booth that he was tearing his hair out at Jean Van de Velde’s decisions. Jean Van de Velde could have won the British Open playing 18 with his 7 iron. On 18 Jean Van de Velde hit an OK drive into the rough and the smart play was to use a wedge to get in front of the Barry Burn , the pond that looked 18. From there it could be caught and also three put for 6. and victory. Instead Jean Van de Velde took his 2 iron out of the bag. If Tiger Woods had done it, his Kiwi caddy Stevie Williams would have rugby tackled Tiger Woods on the ground, hit him, held out his wedge and pointed him left. God helps those who help themselves. Do not give children in the womb methadone. It leads them to make poor decisions later in life, no matter how much money they have.
Jean Van de Velde drops his 2 iron on 18 to bring water from the foul. His ball flies to the right, hits the stand, luckily bounces off the rocks in the Barry Burn River and ends up in the rough short of the burn. He just had to pitch out of the tall grass on the green, three putt and walk away with the trophy. Van de Velde then proceeds to chunk his pitch shot into the river in front of the green. Now he rolls his pants into shorts, takes off his shoes and socks and gets into the burn. Then he decides to take a drop and laying 4 can still go up and down for the win. Somehow he sprung his bullet into the trap. Miraculously, Van de Velde blasted to 6 feet and holed the putt for triple bogey to enter the British Open playoff.
The Scottish fans were ecstatic because the beneficiaries of this golf embolism were American Justin Leonard and Scotsman Paul Lawrie. Paul Lawrie then won the 3-man playoff for the British Open, riding on the luck of Ireland and the four-leaf clover in his bag. Yesterday, the beneficiary of Suzann Pettersen’s final 4-hole collapse and foray into the fairways was Morgan Pressel, the little lady who had her brains blown out by Birdie Kim two years earlier at the US Open. They say that in golf luck comes, but if that were true then Greg Norman would have won at least one green jacket. Greg Norman also threw a 6 shot Sunday Masters lead to Nick Faldo. As Yogi Berra says, “It ain’t over till it’s over” and “If the world was perfect it wouldn’t be.”
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