Set Up Forwarding From Old Gmail To New Gmail Address Finding My Way Back

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Finding My Way Back

When I was 5 years old, I got my first drum, a tom that my neighbor gave me for Christmas. It came with a small wooden mallet with a round blue rubber tip. A gray rubber liner tied with a thin rope held the drum liner in place. I beat on this drum head day and night until my mother, who was impatient from the start, got rid of it. I was not a happy camper when I found out that my only tool had been unceremoniously terminated. Overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment, I asked my parents again and again to replace him, but it was not to be. There would be no winning this battle, so I gave up the fight, but my love for drumming was forever etched in my brain. Over the years, my passion for drumming grew exponentially. As I entered my teenage years, I began working on my parents in hopes of wearing them down. My father insisted that I play a “good” instrument like the piano or violin. “Every drummer I’ve ever met was crazy,” was the psychology he used to derail my drumming romance. I’ve never asked him how many drummers he’s actually met who played the drums, but I’ve met more than a few people who didn’t play with a full deck who got there without even playing a paradeddle.

Flash forward a few years. I’m 19, in college, and putting it off forever, I tell my parents that I’ve found a good drum teacher, a job, and will pay for lessons and a drum kit myself. This time the victory is mine.

Over the next 15 years, I developed some skills and despite my acute fear of failure and rejection, I started playing semi-professionally; bar mitzvahs, weddings, rock bands, jam sessions, and many freelance concerts. The problem was that I lacked discipline and concentration. I wanted instant results. I longed for fame and all its trappings. I had zero understanding of the process. If I couldn’t “master” something the first time, it was because I was incapable, lacked talent and/or intelligence. I didn’t realize the time, effort and strength it takes to master any instrument. When I practiced, I neglected everything that was causing me difficulties. There were certain elements of my instrument that required my undivided attention, but when I encountered a problem, I retreated to that safe and ultimately unusable place called limbo. Eventually rejection got the better of me and I folded my arms and cashed out.

Over the years, the regrets grew, and I knew deep down that I was living an unfulfilled life. Now I was walking a road filled with compromises, with no room for dreams. I chose a job that was “a means and an end”. But there was no end. The ride was always the same. I paid my fare and ended up in the same place with the same predictable stops along the way. The clock was ticking. It’s time to change your life. I headed into no man’s land when I failed to confront my own shortcomings and limitations and learn the importance of self-awareness as it pertains to every relationship in my life. A new and exciting journey awaited me. If I wanted my life to change. If I wanted to find meaning in what I was doing, I had to change myself. No one could do it for me. And that’s exactly what I did. Like everything in life, it wasn’t always a day at the beach, but there were important lessons to be learned and I learned them. All aspects of my life were improving. In college, I became a member of an improv group. I wrote and played and lived and loved every minute of it. Eventually I was involved in an underground television production called Video Madness. After some encouragement from my wife and fellow actors, I went to officially train with the amazing Tim Phillips. By this time, I had a firm understanding of what it means to focus and be persistent. To achieve some kind of success, I need to work hard and understand that success will not be given to me on a silver platter. Sam Goldwyn said “The harder I work, the luckier I get.” I had to work hard to make my fortune. Now, when I took a job, I did it with a sense of purpose. There is no full-time employment for me. Every job I took supported my dreams. I wasn’t going to back down or give up. I wasn’t going to give in to an unfulfilled life. I chose my path and I was going to follow it. And I have.

Today, I am fully involved in my acting studio, which I founded in 1988. Two years ago I started learning drums again with the wonderful Dave Mead. I’m back on track, doing what I love and what I need to do to maintain balance in my life. I know and understand that life will always throw me challenges, but instead of shying away from them, I welcome them as opportunities for growth and change. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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